Some of you might know the unfortunate suicide in the student's dormitory a couple of months ago. I made light of the situation -much to my shame now- scorning weak-minded people.
I started huddling myself just now at scenes on TV of Wenchuan, broke out into sobbing, and there was no voice in the room to tell me what my life's been about. Clawing my way out of the state, I was dazed, as if I had just escaped a narrow death, jumping out of the tracks just before the train bore down on me. Loneliness is so scary and intangible, hits you without warning. Nothing I've done this week has led to this incident, just another sucker punch that will turn into a blip in -what I now hope to be- a long, long lifetime.
Fuck that was some scary shit.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Porridge
I didn’t realise how much I missed the smugness of being local until I fell sick in Shanghai, and couldn’t find porridge that lasted past midnight.
At 130am, almost all the roadside hawkers had dispersed. The only one that remained gave me options: fried rice with beef, or fried rice with pork. I chose one.
Back in the room, I was tempted to boil water and throw it into the Styrofoam box, but I fought the insanity, and shoveled it in with a pair of disposable chopsticks.
I will be lying if I said my tears made the rice so watered it might as well be porridge, because when you’re alone in a foreign land, the last thing you want to do is weep. There’s no one to listen.
Earlier today, I had porridge at Xin Wang again. It was piping hot, tasty, well-garnished. All the decoration, all the reminders that I had to pay, it wasn’t made for me alone, Mummy wasn’t beside me to helplessly tell me porridge was good for colds.
The GoogleMap I have in my heart is useless in this terrain. My extensive list of supper haunts back home cannot save me here. What I wouldn’t give for some sloppy gruel with self-service, the clanging of ceramic bowls and spoons, soy sauce and pepper on standby.
At 130am, almost all the roadside hawkers had dispersed. The only one that remained gave me options: fried rice with beef, or fried rice with pork. I chose one.
Back in the room, I was tempted to boil water and throw it into the Styrofoam box, but I fought the insanity, and shoveled it in with a pair of disposable chopsticks.
I will be lying if I said my tears made the rice so watered it might as well be porridge, because when you’re alone in a foreign land, the last thing you want to do is weep. There’s no one to listen.
Earlier today, I had porridge at Xin Wang again. It was piping hot, tasty, well-garnished. All the decoration, all the reminders that I had to pay, it wasn’t made for me alone, Mummy wasn’t beside me to helplessly tell me porridge was good for colds.
The GoogleMap I have in my heart is useless in this terrain. My extensive list of supper haunts back home cannot save me here. What I wouldn’t give for some sloppy gruel with self-service, the clanging of ceramic bowls and spoons, soy sauce and pepper on standby.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Less Is More, More Is Good
Like most men I think I'm invincible. This explains my severe underpreparation of a medicinal kit, thinking that nothing would hit me, and even if it did, I'd be able to buy from a local pharmacy.
There's been a cough that refuses to fuck off for about 2 weeks now. So I decided to swing by a local pharmacy at WuJiaoChang today. Bad idea.
Firstly, as if shelves in pharmacies aren't already chockful of colours and brands and fonts, they had to be in Chinese. I can read Chinese, yes, but medicine terms are kinda WTF. Not knowing what I should go for, I described my symptoms to the salesgirl, who recommended me some pills and a liquid. She reached for 2 bottles of (probably) nasty stuff, and no one in their right mind would've taken 2 bottles of anything from a pharmacy, unless you're really cheap and want a high. So I said no, 1 bottle. "2 bottles will only last you 3 days!"
Ummm, it was larger than the plastic bottle we're used to back home. I insisted on 1, because from past experience we all know the medicine dispensed in Singapore is never meant to be finished, and if you still haven't recovered after a cycle of a miniscule bottle of cough syrup and some teensy-weensy pills, you should probably do a full-body checkup.
Then I got home, and read the instructions. I had to swallow 4 emerald capsule pills, and drink 20ml of that nasty. The pills weren't small, and as I was trying to force the 4 pills down, I wondered why they couldn't just increase the active ingredient into 1 capsule. I realised from past random observations, that the Chinese tend to believe More is Good in medicine. Pills have always been fat, if you visit a hospital before the doctor sees you you have to get an IV drip, they don't have small tablets the size of a handphone button. It's always about the grand gestures, as if I'll have a peace of mind when I feel the capsules sticking inside my throat.
All this waste, and what for? I am still skeptical, not because of prejudice, but because I read under Side Effects for the pills: 尚不明确 "Things are not clear as of now." Fucking fortune cookie.
There's been a cough that refuses to fuck off for about 2 weeks now. So I decided to swing by a local pharmacy at WuJiaoChang today. Bad idea.
Firstly, as if shelves in pharmacies aren't already chockful of colours and brands and fonts, they had to be in Chinese. I can read Chinese, yes, but medicine terms are kinda WTF. Not knowing what I should go for, I described my symptoms to the salesgirl, who recommended me some pills and a liquid. She reached for 2 bottles of (probably) nasty stuff, and no one in their right mind would've taken 2 bottles of anything from a pharmacy, unless you're really cheap and want a high. So I said no, 1 bottle. "2 bottles will only last you 3 days!"
Ummm, it was larger than the plastic bottle we're used to back home. I insisted on 1, because from past experience we all know the medicine dispensed in Singapore is never meant to be finished, and if you still haven't recovered after a cycle of a miniscule bottle of cough syrup and some teensy-weensy pills, you should probably do a full-body checkup.
Then I got home, and read the instructions. I had to swallow 4 emerald capsule pills, and drink 20ml of that nasty. The pills weren't small, and as I was trying to force the 4 pills down, I wondered why they couldn't just increase the active ingredient into 1 capsule. I realised from past random observations, that the Chinese tend to believe More is Good in medicine. Pills have always been fat, if you visit a hospital before the doctor sees you you have to get an IV drip, they don't have small tablets the size of a handphone button. It's always about the grand gestures, as if I'll have a peace of mind when I feel the capsules sticking inside my throat.
All this waste, and what for? I am still skeptical, not because of prejudice, but because I read under Side Effects for the pills: 尚不明确 "Things are not clear as of now." Fucking fortune cookie.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Blind Mountain 盲山 (2007)
If Blind Mountain failed to win any awards at Cannes, I have to watch Blind Shaft (Silver Bear).
Friday, May 1, 2009
MIDI Day 1
Wow. China has a lot of rock fans.
MIDI was weird, in the sense that for a major music festival, it had a lot of foodstalls, like maybe 20 or so, and not small ones as well. There were 2 臭豆腐, 3 羊肉串 and many other stalls that were replicated. The only alkie was beer, urgh. They sold ice-cream, and merchandise stalls were very bare.
Many people at the festival were locals, and dressed like they were going to a park or a restaurant... I counted tens of women stumbling across the slopes in 2-inch heels. And my, the slopes! Instead of grass, we had green netting nailed to the ground, which was supposed evened with a tractor. Tractor, not steamroller. It was like chiong sua. I myself stumbled around in my sneakers (no I wasn't drunk, not yet anyway), which had turned brown from the soil and dust. It was effectively a construction site, but I'm not complaining, for a 3-day ticket that cost 120RMB, there's really nothing to be said. The program booklet was free, the merchandise was cheap. I got a Thinman 瘦人 album for 30RMB, and a MIDI tote bag for 15 RMB. Compared to the 40 euros I paid for my Sonar bag, this was peanuts. I had to buy a tote bag because I stupidly wore a windbreaker in 20+ Celcius weather. Not very smart, I know.
Now on to the music, as expected, the dance music stage had more people commuting from the main arena to the toilets, which was a very sad fate. It was daylight, I was shy, so no dancing. Not that I dug that stuff anyway, mostly Detroit techno and minimal electro, as if they were the same thing.
The main arena was majestic, I almost thought I was at live8. I sampled the best of Chinese rock, and man was it good. Technically very sound, metal bands were very metal, alternative were alternative, and they were all dressed the part. I particularly liked Twisted Machine and Thinman. The foreign bands were a bit bleah for me, I guess we're quite spoilt that way. Mike TV (UK) was funny, and I LOL-ed when the singer of Army of Freshmen (US) jumped off the stage, only to be surrounded by 6-7 policemen, refusing to let him shake hands and connect with the crowd. Ironic when you see how the government has permitted all forms of American media, brands and products into China, causing the Chinese to imitate the American way of consumerism (my Fudan professors agree). And then they bar a no-name American band lead from shaking hands with the same youths exposed to hundreds of American-styled advertisements. *chuckle*
Obviously, everyone was waiting for Cui Jian, the Godfather of Chinese Rock. The stupid website said Grandfather, so when I went around asking people if this was 老催爷爷 they looked indignant. Then someone said 教父, goddamned translations...
I didn't really like his shit, but he was phenomenal. He was the only artiste people were chanting to see, and everyone at the back got off their asses, the scene was so intimidating, people were "pogo"-ing, devil's horns everywhere. There's no Western equivalent of Cui Jian. And having read up a bit of his past, I kinda had this feeling a lot of the youths were celebrating his past feats, and not really digging the music. Whatever the case, rock has always been politically-charged, but that didn't do it for me, so I left before Zhenjiang's pitiful fleet of cabs became all hired.
The cab I got on took on another passenger, offering me a "discount", so I sat in the backseat in silence while the 2 chattered away in the front. I got a 2RMB discount, judging by what I paid to get there earlier.
Please appreciate this post, I'm not very sober. I'm all ROCKED, and STONED. \m/
Monday, April 27, 2009
MIDI Music Festival
http://midiweb.rockinchina.com/index.php?title=Midi_Music_Festival_2009
Praying Eric and Eve can find me a train ticket there...
from: http://www.douban.com/group/topic/6215055/
09迷笛音乐节注意事项
1、如果下雨，千万不要穿匡威李维斯之类的帆布鞋，尤其匡威，就跟纸板一样，很容易湿透。
2、今年一定要带伞，天气预报说普降大雨，虽然我从小学开始对中国的天气预报就抱有怀疑的态度（春游每次都报有雨，但从来没下过，尽忽悠人，吓得人家的小心肝儿噗通噗通的直跳，坏死了！），再说了，就算不下雨，遮太阳也好啊，是伞能有多大，备着总是用的上的。
3、今年镇江的场地并不是很理想，草地也是现种的，据我在镇江的朋友说，上周才发芽…场地在长江边上，晚上应该会很冷，所以最好带一件外套，以备不时之需。（那长江据说是刘备当年娶媳妇的时候路过的）
4、如果以前没去过迷笛的，就得提醒一下了，不要带瓶装灌装的饮料酒水去音乐节，如果你甚至买了1箱，那只能恭喜你，白买了，每年都会有安检都会很严格，不要骂迷笛不要骂迷笛里面的摊贩垄断，世界各地的音乐节都是不让带瓶装灌装入场的。如果你想通过其他方式带进去，就自己想办法吧，现在那边现场还没搞好，这两天去埋几瓶应该还是可以的，做个标记，到时候再挖出来，真有趣！另外提醒：更不要带一切五金工具入场，例如榔头、扳手等等……干嘛用？某年迷笛S*Bs乐队在台上演出，之间我身旁一长发哥们儿从靴子里抽出一榔头，咻的一下，就飞上去了……
5、如果你把瓶装灌装的饮料带进去了，就算你彻底的不喜欢哪个乐队，就算你被那乐队的不良乐手给糟蹋过，就算这个乐队曾经或者当时给你的心灵带来了无限的创伤，也请千万不要把这些瓶瓶罐罐甚至榔头锤子往台上砸，虽然说伤到花花草草没啥关系，但是伤到乐手那就不好了，为什么不好，下面会说，但还是要说一句，只要乐队在台上演，即使你再不喜欢，也尊重一下人家吧。
6、无论朋克金属还是崔健，音乐节大家和和睦睦的，不要打架斗殴，就算打架斗殴也等出了音乐节场地之后再解决，既然你是去看音乐节的，那就说明你喜欢这个音乐节或者喜欢其中一部分东西，为什么还要毁掉它呢？镇江政府能搞这样的音乐节已经算是不错的了，说不定地方政府看到了这个市场，下一回的某大型音乐节就在你所在的小城市里，如果出现了斗殴事件或者乐手被莫名其妙的大型暗器杀伤事件，以后谁敢办这样的音乐节呢？
7、老生常谈了，POGO的时候要注意安全，要量力而行，防止体力透支，防止意外伤害。 严禁在妇女不愿意的情况下强行推入pogo圈，18岁以下儿童请在成年人的指导下进行pogo，12岁以下身高不足150cm的儿童严禁pogo，以防止不必要的伤害。见到有人被撞倒在地，大家请友情的搀扶起来。
8、传人的时候请事先问好被传者是否愿意被举起来传了玩儿，如果被传者是女性，下面的人请主动让她面朝天，如果是男性，请看准位置再下手。传人的时候注意不要把人传到没人的地方然后丢掉不管。
9、关于mosh，尽量不要尝试，这可是在中国啊。甩头的金属党们务必注意和前面的人保持一定的距离（距离按照你头的高度和+头发的长度+5公分来计算，请事先自行做好测量工作），即使你有铁头功，不怕头被撞破，也不要把前面的同学撞晕呐。甩头的时候一定要注意不要过度、量力而甩，甩完后最好扶住另一个人休息一会，否则容易眩晕。如果在甩头过程中出现眩晕、恶心、呕吐等症状，请立即以减速的方式慢慢停止甩头，然后在朋友的陪同下到一块空地进行休息，如果依然不适，请及时就医。
10、带一些创口贴、清凉油、避孕药、感冒药等常备药物在身上，以防不时之需。
11、尽量不要在露天的情况下进行各种两性活动，实在忍不住，可以租帐篷，毕竟这是中国嘛，再说，江边风很大，容易感冒。
12、如果你有露阴癖，请不要在尚未勃起的情况下进行操作，因为这样不壮观也不雅观，如果被国际友人看到了，还会影响我们中国男性的民族自尊心。
13、外地的朋友（包括我）务必在到达镇江后立即购买返程的车票。
14、保管好自己的东西，不要酒后驾车，即使充满愤怒也不要袭警，在宾馆的朋友晚上别闹太晚，叫床不要太大声，以免影响其他住客的休息，不要暴饮暴食暴干暴吼，注意节制！
15、各位补充……
最后，让我们共同度过一个美好、和谐、安全、快乐的节日！
Word.
Praying Eric and Eve can find me a train ticket there...
from: http://www.douban.com/group/topic/6215055/
09迷笛音乐节注意事项
1、如果下雨，千万不要穿匡威李维斯之类的帆布鞋，尤其匡威，就跟纸板一样，很容易湿透。
2、今年一定要带伞，天气预报说普降大雨，虽然我从小学开始对中国的天气预报就抱有怀疑的态度（春游每次都报有雨，但从来没下过，尽忽悠人，吓得人家的小心肝儿噗通噗通的直跳，坏死了！），再说了，就算不下雨，遮太阳也好啊，是伞能有多大，备着总是用的上的。
3、今年镇江的场地并不是很理想，草地也是现种的，据我在镇江的朋友说，上周才发芽…场地在长江边上，晚上应该会很冷，所以最好带一件外套，以备不时之需。（那长江据说是刘备当年娶媳妇的时候路过的）
4、如果以前没去过迷笛的，就得提醒一下了，不要带瓶装灌装的饮料酒水去音乐节，如果你甚至买了1箱，那只能恭喜你，白买了，每年都会有安检都会很严格，不要骂迷笛不要骂迷笛里面的摊贩垄断，世界各地的音乐节都是不让带瓶装灌装入场的。如果你想通过其他方式带进去，就自己想办法吧，现在那边现场还没搞好，这两天去埋几瓶应该还是可以的，做个标记，到时候再挖出来，真有趣！另外提醒：更不要带一切五金工具入场，例如榔头、扳手等等……干嘛用？某年迷笛S*Bs乐队在台上演出，之间我身旁一长发哥们儿从靴子里抽出一榔头，咻的一下，就飞上去了……
5、如果你把瓶装灌装的饮料带进去了，就算你彻底的不喜欢哪个乐队，就算你被那乐队的不良乐手给糟蹋过，就算这个乐队曾经或者当时给你的心灵带来了无限的创伤，也请千万不要把这些瓶瓶罐罐甚至榔头锤子往台上砸，虽然说伤到花花草草没啥关系，但是伤到乐手那就不好了，为什么不好，下面会说，但还是要说一句，只要乐队在台上演，即使你再不喜欢，也尊重一下人家吧。
6、无论朋克金属还是崔健，音乐节大家和和睦睦的，不要打架斗殴，就算打架斗殴也等出了音乐节场地之后再解决，既然你是去看音乐节的，那就说明你喜欢这个音乐节或者喜欢其中一部分东西，为什么还要毁掉它呢？镇江政府能搞这样的音乐节已经算是不错的了，说不定地方政府看到了这个市场，下一回的某大型音乐节就在你所在的小城市里，如果出现了斗殴事件或者乐手被莫名其妙的大型暗器杀伤事件，以后谁敢办这样的音乐节呢？
7、老生常谈了，POGO的时候要注意安全，要量力而行，防止体力透支，防止意外伤害。 严禁在妇女不愿意的情况下强行推入pogo圈，18岁以下儿童请在成年人的指导下进行pogo，12岁以下身高不足150cm的儿童严禁pogo，以防止不必要的伤害。见到有人被撞倒在地，大家请友情的搀扶起来。
8、传人的时候请事先问好被传者是否愿意被举起来传了玩儿，如果被传者是女性，下面的人请主动让她面朝天，如果是男性，请看准位置再下手。传人的时候注意不要把人传到没人的地方然后丢掉不管。
9、关于mosh，尽量不要尝试，这可是在中国啊。甩头的金属党们务必注意和前面的人保持一定的距离（距离按照你头的高度和+头发的长度+5公分来计算，请事先自行做好测量工作），即使你有铁头功，不怕头被撞破，也不要把前面的同学撞晕呐。甩头的时候一定要注意不要过度、量力而甩，甩完后最好扶住另一个人休息一会，否则容易眩晕。如果在甩头过程中出现眩晕、恶心、呕吐等症状，请立即以减速的方式慢慢停止甩头，然后在朋友的陪同下到一块空地进行休息，如果依然不适，请及时就医。
10、带一些创口贴、清凉油、避孕药、感冒药等常备药物在身上，以防不时之需。
11、尽量不要在露天的情况下进行各种两性活动，实在忍不住，可以租帐篷，毕竟这是中国嘛，再说，江边风很大，容易感冒。
12、如果你有露阴癖，请不要在尚未勃起的情况下进行操作，因为这样不壮观也不雅观，如果被国际友人看到了，还会影响我们中国男性的民族自尊心。
13、外地的朋友（包括我）务必在到达镇江后立即购买返程的车票。
14、保管好自己的东西，不要酒后驾车，即使充满愤怒也不要袭警，在宾馆的朋友晚上别闹太晚，叫床不要太大声，以免影响其他住客的休息，不要暴饮暴食暴干暴吼，注意节制！
15、各位补充……
最后，让我们共同度过一个美好、和谐、安全、快乐的节日！
Word.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
My lungs are relieved but my heart is sad
Probably the opposite of what you were thinking, I sent Mummy off at the airport with a heavy heart, and no amount of carefree smoking could cheer me up. She offered me some money on the way to the airport, looking all worried. I refused it knowing full well I'd have run out before the end of the semester. I didn't want her thinking she was an ATM on this trip, so I paid for everything when she was in Shanghai, with money I could ill afford to fritter away. I am finally sober, and I am finally ashamed to say I have spent 36000RMB so far. I refuse to ask her for more money, and her offer has strengthened my resolve. I should be fine, barring any calamities, but of course this is China, so.
There is work to be done so I shan't dwaddle, take care and catch up soon!
There is work to be done so I shan't dwaddle, take care and catch up soon!
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